Leading can be lonely. And if you don’t agree with that statement, more than likely you haven’t been in leadership for all that long.
Leadership often leads to isolation. Even while constantly being surrounded by people, we easily can find ourselves consistently feeling misunderstood and lacking support from those we care about. None of us are exempt from missional isolation, especially if we have big dreams. I can’t help but think of how many great ventures came to a screeching halt because of leaders burning out or having a moral failure as a result of an extended amount of time in a place of isolation. So how do we ensure we are leading boldly without secluding ourselves?
We need both beautiful chaos and structure that produces order.
In its most basic sense, cultivating success comes down to growing momentum by utilizing both chaos and order. Like a gardener providing a trellis for ivy, we desire organic growth but must provide some structure to ensure the growth can occur. Or as G. K. Chesterton says, the chief aim of order is to give room for the good things to run wild.
Every person and organization must have regular rhythms of gathering and scattering. Managing chaos and order so we can achieve missional effectiveness without drifting into the polarizing extremes of missional isolation or missional paralysis is where we are challenged. As driven leaders, often our fear of drifting into missional paralysis results in us overcompensating as we begin to operate in a way that is not only unsustainable for the people around us but simply ineffective to help them feel both loved and valued as they labor alongside us.
So what changes need to be made to help us escape the feeling of loneliness that comes with leadership? First, we must take a moment to know how we have been made.
If you are a leader who deeply desires to pursue high levels of success, more than likely you are a little different than the people around you. Your capacity to sacrifice, take risks, and labor through the unknown likely is higher than the average person. For the greater good of the church, business, or non-profit you are a part of, you are not only willing to live in the chaos, but you may even enjoy the adventure found in it. Many high capacity leaders are constantly thinking of new and creative ways to push the limits so the movement doesn’t grow stale.
While it is important to push into new territory, we must also ensure we aren’t pushing people away as we do it. That often is where we get in trouble and without knowing it, begin to operate in missional isolation.
Not everyone is like us. Just because someone doesn’t invite change, enjoy challenges, or understand a bigger vision like you, doesn’t mean they need to alter their personality to conform to yours. Their love for the organization and definition of success more than likely does not depend on whether or not they lead as you do. We have all been gifted in different ways and can come together to complement the mission of our organization if utilized correctly.
There are many helpful tools available to help each of us begin to understand ourselves and the people around us. These tools help put into words the beautiful differences in personality that each of us possesses. Whether it be studying the fivefold ministry of APEST in Ephesians 4, the Five Voices of Leadership developed by GIANT, or the 9 types of people categorized by the Enneagram, each of these different ways to help determine personality type will help you determine how you need people different than you surrounding your leadership.
After using the tools mentioned above, leaders prone to missional isolation will usually find their personality described with words like apostolic, prophetic, pioneer, creative, achiever, or challenger. Simply looking at that list, one can surely conclude why you may feel alone. You are always the one out in front! You are always the one questioning and seeking change. You are tempted to find identity in success, so willingness to sacrifice is high.
While having a few leaders with this personality type can be a massive gift that helps a mission move forward and multiply, we must also understand there is a diverse group of people that are a part of your mission that doesn’t have that personality and giftedness. The words that are used to describe this other group are shepherd, teacher, nurturer, guardian, peacemaker, perfectionist, and helper. For these people, executing a few good ideas is more important than thinking of many new thoughts. The health of the movement is more important than going further, faster. The preparation takes priority over the sending.
Thank goodness there is diversity within the lives around us. If it weren’t for people gifted in this area of providing order, I can’t imagine how ineffective our organizations would be. It truly would be a chaotic mess. The question is, do we value those who are different from us?
I believe the most helpful way to not only avoid missional isolation but to begin operating in missional effectiveness is to champion those who help bring order to our missions. Instead of competing with them and changing them to think as we do, we must invite them into our leadership. We must not only give them a seat at the table, but must ask them to speak loudly as we listen to them and empower them to help us execute ideas, prepare more leaders, and connect with people in a way that helps them be confident they are loved.
If you are feeling isolated, start spending time with people in your culture who are committed to the mission, but are gifted with a different personality. Instead of competing, humbly seek to complement one another by seeking to bring out the best of both personality types. Not only will you experience the joy of community, but your community will experience the “sweet spot” of operating in seasons of both chaos and order as you move forward, together.
Written by Buddy Gosey
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